Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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