Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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