So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
