what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
