Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
