he wants to bone in the snuggie
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
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As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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