I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
