A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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