you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Where is the hickey?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
