What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
