I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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