I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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