it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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