He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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