You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
