We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
