actually, I'm a sock model
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
