Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
