His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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