you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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