The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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