it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
