If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
