Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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