im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
