Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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