NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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