Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
