Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
