we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
