Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
