i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
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I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
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Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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