Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i think i just lost a toe
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
