do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
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yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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