I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We got so high we made milksteak
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
