How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
