did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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