She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
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guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
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I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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