Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
