someone get that fucking seahorse.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
