College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
