Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
