Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
