You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
MIDGETS
????
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
