Who wears a wallet chain?!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
