Just cropdusted the office
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
