Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I lost the right to judge tonight
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
