We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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