O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
