A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
