seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
