I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
