plz talk dirty to me
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
