eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
