I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Randomize
