You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
