I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
