It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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