So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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