STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
