It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
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