Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
