I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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