ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
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I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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