I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
