he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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