No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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