In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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