I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
