Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
