i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
