All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
