wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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