can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
