Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
