He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
