Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
