ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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