i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
