I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
