It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
