Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The adults are the big ones right?
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