Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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