So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
