I think my fart just growled at me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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